Death Stakes

Fwend is struttin’ through Adderport, checking up on his hobolds. One is crying, huddled in a corner, and has no cash. Using his phenomenal kobold proboscis (which means nose), Fwend tracks down the culprits – three human guards. He runs through the middle one’s legs, spinning to face them and sliding to a halt before them. “Gimme mah money and youse guys are gonna eat it!”

How does Fwend die?

Reacting to the second human guard’s disdainful smirk with a fearsome battle cry of “AAAAAAAAAAIIIIRRRGH,” Fwend flings himself into the fray, scrabbling up the guard’s leg like an oversized scaly spider. Fwend grabs the human’s left ear for stability, and them begins furiously punching him in the face. The guard is quickly beaten unconscious, but unfortunately falls forward, landing on top of Fwend and crushing him beneath his armor…

Actually…

As the guard falls unconscious, a guard-ballista a la Underworld: Prequel Without Guns fires a giant spear straight into the falling guard, allowing Fwend to fall to the ground unharmed. The fallen kobold picks himself up and marches over to the ballista. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! You coulda hit your buddy, and you did hit your buddy! You should be ashamed!”

One of the two guards now manning the ballista hangs his head in shame, but the other is not ashamed. “You’re not the boss of me! And he’s not my buddy!” He swings the reloaded ballista to point at Fwend’s navel, and…

How does Fwend die?

Death Stakes

Hammer of Sultoh GreedyAlgorithm